so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
