we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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