ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
