And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
