Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
