My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
