maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
