well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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