Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
