that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
