So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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