Do you still have your period?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
where are my eyebrows?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
