It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
