thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
