I'm pants shitting drunk right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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