Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
