I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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