i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
