Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
