i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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