i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
