She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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