I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish I could teleport
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
