he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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