fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
