maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
