I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
