The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
