What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
