Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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