So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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