Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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