when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Never underestimate the power of titties
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
