There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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