Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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