I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
