Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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