did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
