Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
