you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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