the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
