I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is Oprah even human
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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