when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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