thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
