When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
