see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
