then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
