If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
