I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
