cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
