That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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