just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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