i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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