Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
