I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
